Avoiding online dating scams
With so many people turning to online dating these days, potential scam artists are looking to cash in on the action. It's important to be aware that scam artists are out there without hitting the panic button on what is generally regarded as a safe way to find the love of your life - online dating. Below are a few of the most popular online dating scams to be aware of.
Russian or other 'bride scams'
Online dating sites which offer beautiful women (and increasingly men) from other countries with burning ambitions to marry and emigrate really do exist. And there are actually some reputable ones. But do your research very carefully and start this initiative at your own risk. More common are overseas people of both sexes who need 'help' in order to 'stay in contact' - which usually means money for phone and internet bills, for letters, for visits etc. The extreme scams (money for operations, for unexpected and sudden disasters etc.) usually only start once they have you 'hooked'. Never ever send money to someone you have not yet met, no matter how tempting they may appear - remember they may be bearded Dave, not beautiful Svetlana! If it's the only way you can meet, call their bluff and go visit them! It's as simple as that.
Nigerian 419 or AFF scam
Named after a now-defunct Nigerian law the 419 scam is a classic amongst online dating scams. This scam is also known as AFF or Advanced Fee Fraud, and it comes in many shapes and sizes. Basically the scammer claims to normally live in your country but is currently working in Nigeria or another (typically West African) country. He/she befriends you and over time trust is built up. The scammer then reveals their need for money for some plausible sounding reason and makes you believe you're the only one in a position to pay it for them. You send the money and you never hear from them again. Or worse they pile on another excuse for needing more cash and try to exploit you even more!
How to spot scammers
- Check that agencies/sites are reputable before joining. Avoid free agencies - they may be free but because of this, and the limited sanctions that the agency or site can impose, they attract proportionally more fraudsters, fakes and scammers. In the UK the most reputable online dating sites are Dating Direct, Match.com, Date the UK, Parship, and Dating for Parents as featured on this site. Read the full reviews here.
- 'Form letters' or replies which don't actually reply to your own message, (i.e. anything which seems to be a standard cut and paste message not an actual reply to your specific message) should ring alarm bells. Why didn't they answer your question, or acknowledge something important you said?
- Beware of professional photos. It's sad but true that they can often be fake, or scanned in from magazines. We'd all like to date a model but really, how likely is one to be looking online for a date?
- They misspell or don't remember your name regularly. This hints at large volumes of people being processed. Also if the message is written in poor broken English this can be an obvious sign.
- They declare love for you too quickly. We all want to believe in romance and true love, but someone able to make that kind of decision based on a tiny bit of knowledge about you isn't going to be a sustainable relationship. And it could well be a scam building.
- Messages either repeat themselves, or contain duplicate information. This hints of cutting and pasting going on.
- This shouldn't need saying but... they ask for money! Or hint that if they had money they could visit, write more, etc.
How to protect yourself
Keep your privacy. Only give out uoir name if you feel comfortable to do so and again this applies double to your phone number or any personal email addresses. If possible use a separate email account from your 'real' personal one. Use only a telephone number which has caller display if possible. If you have any doubt, only use a payphone. Consider hiding or witholding your number if you call them.
Never rush or let yourself be rushed. Don't progress to email until ready. Don't switch to talking by phone until you're happy. And never meet until you're sure about it and know enough about them.
Don't worry about being demanding - ask for a picture, or more pictures if they have only one. If they ask for your phone number, ask for theirs first. It may seem awkward, but it's sensible and at least shows that you know what you're doing and won't be an easy target.
Initiate contact first. Usually, scammers will contact you - they're fishing for victims. Take control of your online dating by doing the approaching, and you'll avoid many of them.
What to do if you have been scammed
Contact the agency or site where you met the scammer and give the service the offenders username along with a description of the problem.
Report the scam to their e-mail service provider. You will need to send proof, including the full headers of the e-mail messages you received where the scam is clear. Send complaints to the address 'abuse' at their service provider, e.g. abuse@hotmail.com, abuse@yahoo.com etc. and also CC a copy to 'postmaster' e.g. postmaster@hotmail.com
It's true that people are being scammed via online dating. However, it is generally a good idea to give people the benefit of the doubt while noting any red flags that are raised in your dealings with them. When you feel there is something not right going on (trust your instincts), break off your contact. If you know you've been scammed, report the scammer to the service you are using while blocking their ability to contact you in the future.
Above all, avoid paranoia. You don't want to come across to the perfect partner as being a hostile and distrustful person - not being trusted is a huge turn-off for most people, and can ruin your chances with someone genuine if you're too forceful about it. Online dating is a great way to meet your perfect partner. Exercise some caution, have fun, and enjoy the journey.
